


Antiseptic

by DoctorQui



Series: walking 'cross the campus [6]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I love Jesse McCree and so I have to make him suffer, Limb loss, M/M, genji is a very supportive brother and a good friend, hanzo is a good boyfriend, really sappy fluffy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9352844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorQui/pseuds/DoctorQui
Summary: Hanzo receives some bad news in the middle of class.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, this chapter has mentions of a car crash, surgery, and limb loss. A good amount of it also takes place in a hospital. Nothing is too graphic, but I wanted to let y'all know just in case. Enjoy <3

Hanzo received the phone call during his philosophy lecture. 

 

Initially, it surprised him--he usually put his phone on silent during class so as not to be distracted, so the blaring tune of some jpop song Genji had installed was startling to say the least. He’d bolted into the hallway as fast as humanly possible, ears burning red as he swore colorfully under his breath.

 

All thoughts of vengeance left his mind, however, when he raised the phone to his ear. 

 

Hanzo doesn’t remember much from the call. After the first few words, everything seemed to blur together, so that he only got bits and pieces. Downtown. Car accident. Jesse. 

 

_ Jesse. _

 

Though the words escaped him, he remembered the feeling well. The sudden weight in his stomach. The burning in his eyes, tears gathering at the edges. The panicked, ragged breath he pulled in. The hard plaster of the wall against his back. Quiet footsteps and concerned voices. 

 

It was too much all at once. He was supposed to be somewhere else. He  _ needed _ to be somewhere else. He took off running once more, charging through the rain with his destination ingrained in his mind.

 

The wait for the bus was agonizingly long, the ride to the hospital even more so. His leg wouldn’t stop shaking, earning the attention of a couple of strangers. He tried his best to ignore them, eyes trained on his phone. 

 

When he finally came through the glass doors, dripping wet and breathless from running, the waiting room was nearly empty. Genji stood from the armchair he’d commandeered, looking about as tired as Hanzo felt. 

 

He stepped forward, mouth set in a grim line. “Hanzo--”

 

“Where is he?” Hanzo’s voice was hoarse, laced with desperation. It wasn’t a question--it was a demand. He didn’t even notice the switch to Japanese. “Genji, where is Jesse?”

 

“He’s currently in surgery. We can’t do anything but wait.” Genji reached forward to lay a hand on his brother’s shoulder, but was quickly shrugged off. Hanzo folded into the nearest chair and took a deep breath, head in his hands. Genji hovered a small distance away before settling down next to him.  

 

After a moment Hanzo looked up, eyes rimmed with red. “How did this happen?”

 

“Jesse was downtown for a project. It was his big extra-credit one, you know? The one he was really excited about? Today was when he was supposed to go to the new museum exhibit to gather information, but a car spun out while he was crossing the street. The driver...didn’t survive. They said Jesse should be fine, but…”

 

“He will be. Jesse will be fine,” Hanzo whispered, unsure if the words were truly meant for Genji. “He has to be.”

\---

Hanzo woke up hours later to a gentle hand shaking his shoulder. He grunted and glanced around, taking in the surroundings--the lights were dimmer now, and if the puddle of drool on his shirt was any indication, Genji had drifted off along with him. A nurse was smiling kindly down at him.

 

“Are you Mr. Shimada?” 

 

“Yes I--am I allowed to see Jesse now? Is he okay?” Hanzo sat up, prompting a startled yelp from Genji. “How is he doing?”

 

“Mr. McCree is just fine. He passed through surgery with few complications and is resting now. I can lead you to his room, if you’d like.” 

 

Hanzo shot to his feet, Genji following soon after. The nurse nodded and led them through the corridors, twisting and winding like a labyrinth. Everything was so starch white, it physically hurt. If Hanzo thought he felt on edge before, it was certainly worse now. 

 

Eventually the nurse brought them to a small room in the corner of a hallway labeled  _ 660\.  _ She turned the knob and opened the door slowly, taking care to step in quietly. Hanzo and Genji, on the other hand, could care less about cautiousness--as soon as the door was open, they rushed in, stopping at the bedside.

 

At first, it was much better than they had expected. Jesse looked fine, albeit pale, with no tubes jutting out from his body and no obvious wounds marring his skin. He seemed a bit bruised, but otherwise safe. 

 

Hanzo let out a long sigh of relief and collapsed into the chair nearest Jesse’s bed side. He reached out to pick up Jesse’s hand and stopped short.

 

It was gone.

 

His entire left arm, elbow down, was gone. 

 

“My apologies, Mr. Shimada,” The nurse cut in, standing a foot or two behind them. “I should have warned you. Unfortunately, by the time he got here, his limb was mangled beyond use. Even if we could have salvaged his arm, the risk of infection would have been too great, so we had to take drastic measures. This doesn’t change his condition, however--he will make a full recovery with enough rest.”

 

Normally, Hanzo would have yelled. He would have screamed at the nurse, demanded answers, shouted that Jesse didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve any of this,  _ why did this happen? _ At the moment, however, he found himself lacking the energy. The pit in his stomach had grown larger, encompassing his heart and lungs, weighing heavy on every breath he drew. 

 

After a moment of charged silence, he heard Genji usher the nurse out of the room, leaving just the low beeping of machines and the smell of antiseptic. 

 

Hanzo took a deep breath before looking up, a soft smile coming to his face. “It is unlike you to be so quiet, Jesse. Normally I would have to bribe you to get this much silence. With food, or homework solutions, or kisses…” He sighed. “It feels cheap, like this. I haven’t earned it.”

 

He brought a hand up to run through Jesse’s hair, biting back any further commentary lest his voice break. He knew it was foolish to be so heartbroken over this--the loss wasn’t even his, it was Jesse’s. And yet, he couldn’t bear the thought of what his boyfriend’s reaction might be upon waking up. Would he be angry? Upset? Would he smile and laugh it off, muttering ridiculous reassurances as always?

 

In that moment, Hanzo would have taken anything over the cold silence of the room, the only sounds escaping from Jesse’s mouth his slow, steady breathing. 

\---

They made him leave, eventually. Hanzo tried to protest, to say he would remain out of the way while the doctors ran their tests, but arguing with a policy against a professional twice his age was a fruitless endeavor. Genji was waiting when he returned to the dorms, sympathy in his eyes. He slept in Genji’s bed that night--the two of them barely fit, but when he tried to take Jesse’s bunk Genji wouldn’t let him. It was comforting, falling asleep with their backs pressed against each other like they would as kids.

 

Still, nothing could cushion the pang in Hanzo’s heart when he woke up. Genji was gone, likely moved onto his first class of the day. The room was empty--only Jesse’s ridiculous posters were there to keep him company now. A quick clock check revealed that he’d slept through his first lecture, but Hanzo couldn’t bring himself to care. He likely wouldn’t have the motivation to go to any of them today, and even if he did he couldn’t focus until he saw Jesse again. 

 

The next few minutes were spent entirely within his own head in an attempt to motivate himself out of bed. Every time he made a convincing argument to finally stand up, the haunting image of Jesse’s pale face would come back, and the process would begin all over again. Eventually his practical thoughts won out, however, and Hanzo managed to stumble into the bathroom to freshen up at least slightly before busing back down to see if there were any new developments.

 

As always, the hospital waiting room was less than pleasant. It was much busier than it had been the previous afternoon, worried loved ones and those who were injured themselves anxiously glancing around. One girl sat glued to her phone, quaking like a leaf as she counted under her breath. Another man was seated in a wheelchair, loudly proclaiming that he had a blood clot and cursing the nurses. Just when Hanzo thought he might snap, a nurse called his name, saving him from the claustrophobic confines of the room. 

 

“Mr. McCree woke up early this morning. He seems to have taken the situation somewhat well, though it was quite a few minutes before he stopped attempting to leave.” The nurse explained with a chuckle, flipping through the papers on his clipboard. “As soon as he was calm he began asking if anyone had visited. He was ecstatic when he heard you came by before.” 

 

Hanzo nodded in response, chest too tight to speak. There was a spark of warmth there, a happiness that Jesse wanted to see him, but it was crushed under the weight of his guilt for not being there earlier. Before he had too much time to reflect on it, however, they arrived at the room from yesterday. The nurse clicked the door open, but opted to stand outside, an understanding smile gracing his face. With a quiet thank you, Hanzo made his way in. 

 

Jesse was sitting up in the hospital bed, precariously balancing a book between his lap and right arm. As he heard the curtains move aside he sat up straighter, but relaxed again when he saw it was Hanzo, a grin spreading across his face. 

 

“Hey there, Han! Been waitin’ on you. Can’t believe you made the trip all the way down here for lil’ ol’ me, though I sure as hell ain’t complainin’. God knows I ain’t got shit else to do.” He laughed, gesturing to the chair next to him with a tilt of his head. 

 

Hanzo did as he was told and settled in quietly. He took a moment to appraise his boyfriend once more--he definitely looked better, though the missing limb was still jarring. That said, he was significantly less pale and was actually  _ talking,  _ so he couldn’t find it within him to complain. 

 

“How are you feeling? Is everything alright? You’re not in any pain?” He leaned forward, eyes sweeping over a second time. 

 

“Woah, honey, easy there!” Jesse made to hold up his arm, but winced as he only succeeded in jerking the stump forward. He kept smiling despite this, turning up the charm. “If I knew it was this easy to get you to skip class with me I’d’ve gone to the ER sooner.” 

 

“...You can’t be serious.” Hanzo deadpanned, brows furrowed. “You’re in the hospital, Jesse. How can you be so casual about this?”

 

Jesse chuckled in response, pausing for a moment before waving his right hand. “I’m fine. Honestly, cross my heart. You worry too much.” 

 

At this, Hanzo frowned. “You are most certainly not alright! Jesse, you were  _ hit by a car. _ You can’t tell me I worry too much when--when you--” He stopped as the words caught in his throat. No, he wouldn’t cry. Not now. Jesse needed him to be strong right now. “I had every right to worry about you. You can be honest, Jesse. None of this tough act. You’ve helped me through so much. Let me be here for you.” 

 

It happened in parts. First, Jesse was silent. He took in the words for a moment with a blank expression, eyes blinking once, then twice. Then he crumpled. His face fell all at once, all hard lines and ugly tears. The sound came last. Loud sobs wracked through him as he sagged like a marionette with the strings cut, melting into the pristine white sheets of the hospital bed. 

 

“I don’t--I don’t know what to do, Han. I really don’t,” he gasped, choking the words out between breaths. “What’m I supposed to do? I woke up and thought I was dead. I thought I’d never get to see you again, sweetheart, I thought this was it for me. But I wasn’t, I’m still here, but it’s...it’s all wrong. I don’t got the money for this shit. Hell, the time it’s takin’ to have this conversation alone is prolly more than I can afford. That and my arm...I can’t work like this, either. I can’t expect you to even  _ deal  _ with me like this. You don’t deserve none of this, darlin’, not one bit.” He looked down, cradling himself with his one arm. 

 

“Jesse, look at me. I need you to look at me.” Hanzo reached out, cupping one side of Jesse’s face gently. “You have no reason to feel guilty. You do not have to figure anything out right now. All you need to do is focus on getting better, and the rest will come.” He took a deep breath and reached to his collar, holding up the blue pendant. “Do you remember what I said, when I gave you the matching piece to this on your birthday? I meant it. I still do. I am not going anywhere. We will figure something out, Jesse. We can start a GoFundMe, or apply for a loan--I am not letting you do this alone.”

 

“Hanzo…”

 

“And I am sure our friends share a similar sentiment. They would be here right this moment if circumstances allowed for it.” He smiled, running a thumb loosely over Jesse’s cheek. 

 

Slowly, Jesse’s sniffles settled, and a small smile spread across his face once more, though this time it was genuine. “I don’t know if I’m willin’ to accept that quite yet, but hell, I’ll try for you, honey. Won’t stop me from feelin’ guilty as all get out, hope you know that. You’re too damn good to me.”

 

“I am well aware of the feeling, Jesse.” Hanzo smirked, leaning forward to lay a soft kiss on his forehead. “We will get through this.  _ You _ will get through this.”

 

Jesse chased after him, bringing their lips together briefly. He breathed unsteadily into the kiss, his hiccups jarring them apart and back together. Hanzo laughed and knocked their foreheads together. It had only been a day, but he’d missed this feeling more than anything in the world.

 

Unfortunately, the moment didn’t last, interrupted by a knock at the door. Hanzo jumped back as the nurse who had shown him here came in, carrying a tray with what was likely supposed to be food. 

 

“Here you go, Mr. McCree. Straight from the cafeteria,” he said, laying the food carefully on Jesse’s lap. “I’ll be on call if you need anything else. Though…I think you have the assistance covered.” The nurse’s eyes flicked over to Hanzo and he grinned before turning on his heel and stepping back through the door with a wave. 

 

Jesse laughed and brought his hand up to balance the tray. “Damn, are we really that obvious?” 

 

“It may have something to do with the fact that I nearly punched your physician yesterday. Let it not be said that a Shimada backs down when challenged for something he wants.” Hanzo huffed, cheeks flushing. 

 

“You woulda gotten into a fistfight with the doc jus’ for me? Hell, darlin’, every day I fall a little more in love with you. I didn’t even think it was possible after a certain point.” 

 

Hanzo looked up, biting his lip to keep a smile down. “Yes, well, some things are worth fighting for.”

 

Jesse didn’t have a response for that other than to choke on his next few words and turn an adorable shade of red. He reached for the tray in an attempt to distract himself, but upon moving his right arm the whole thing began to topple over. Hanzo was able to catch it in time, but not before he saw Jesse’s face fall. 

 

“Oh. Guess that’s gonna be, uh, different,” he remarked, voice low. 

 

“It’s been less than a day, Jesse, you can’t expect to be used to it already,” Hanzo sighed. 

 

Jesse shook his head, staring down at the plate. “I ain’t stupid, I know that. And yet...I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout it, Han. I know you said we were gonna get through this together, but there’s so much I can’t do no more. My job at the café is done for, typing’s gonna be a pain in the ass--hell, I can’t even make good on  _ our  _ promises.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You can’t teach me archery when I only got one arm. I can’t drag you home when you’re holed up in the range. How can I expect you to lean on me for support when half of me is damn well gone?” He looked up, eyes rimmed with fresh tears. 

 

Hanzo felt his heart break again, shattering into little pieces. Even now, sitting in a hospital bed racking up debt by the minute, Jesse still placed Hanzo’s well being above his own. 

 

“Jesse,” he breathed, slowly bringing his forehead to rest against Jesse’s once more. He stayed there silently for a moment, staring deep into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Take a deep breath. I am okay. You are okay. We have many options, this is not the end. We can raise money for a prosthetic, if you like. It will be difficult, but we will do it. I said it before, but it seems your head is so thick it bears need of repeating: I am not going anywhere. I am with you until the end, Jesse McCree.” 

 

Jesse was silent for a long minute. All he could do was stare in disbelief, eyes wide. However, after what seemed like an eternity, he leaned forward with a sigh. 

 

“...Y’know, I always wanted to be part robot anyway. Maybe one of them fancy prosthetics’ll finally help me make my dream come true,” he said, rubbing their noses together. 

 

Hanzo snorted. “What a ridiculous idea. If it were up to you, I bet you would decorate it with all manner of silly things.”

 

Jesse balked, leaning back slightly. “What d’you mean ‘if?’ It’s my damn arm, I think I’m gonna decorate it how I damn well please, thank you.” 

 

“Very well. But then you will have to live a life without massages from me, or good morning kisses.” 

 

“Damn. You drive a hard bargain, sugar.” He sighed, earning a peal of laughter from Hanzo. Grinning, Jesse reached down to intertwine their fingers and pulled them up to lay a gentle kiss on his boyfriend’s knuckles, burying his nose in the skin there. 

 

Hanzo smiled; that was the Jesse he knew and loved. “Now, do you want my help eating or not? I know you’re starving.” 

 

“Only if you feed me, doll.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Remember how Jesse had a flesh arm in Carbon Fiber? This was the workaround I figured out for that :>
> 
> As always, a huge huge huge thank you to my ever lovely beta [Mango](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentMango)! I'm gonna plug her fics again here because honestly if you haven't read them by now what are you doing, they're great, she's great, go read. 
> 
> A big thank you as well to the McHanzo discord, y'all are wonderful <3
> 
> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tsoleille) or [tumblr](http://schrodingerslion.tumblr.com/)! I'm a big nerd and I love yelling about Overwatch with people, promise. 
> 
> Have a good one guys!


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